If Animals Could Speak Human

English: Elephant seal colony

English: Elephant seal colony (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most of us would be surrounded by others who looked very much like us. Perhaps we would even be the subjects of scientific curiosity. If we were endangered, we would hope that humans would try to find a way to preserve our existence and uniqueness.

ANTS: We are the original builders of homes and social networks.

Description: Bumblebees (also spelled bumble b...

Bumblebee (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BEES: It wouldn’t be insulting to be told that you have a hive mentality. It’s mandatory that everyone be a great dancer, too. We love the monarchy–at least, our queen.

English: Brown Bear

Brown bear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BEARS: Gorge yourself all summer and in the fall, prepare for a sleep marathon in the winter, and say goodbye to body image issues.

Magnificent Frigatebird

Frigatebird (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

BIRDS: It would be the guys, not the ladies, who spend ridiculous amounts of time in makeup while doing complex courtship rituals (about time, too).

CATS: We hate Mondays and love our off time. Not much change.

Cute Dog Puppy

Puppy (Photo credit: epsos.de)

DOGS: We would be fed, praised, dressed in designer clothes, and have our poop lovingly picked up. But when you rule Planet Earth, that’s to be expected.

Jackson's Chameleon

Chameleon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

CHAMELEONS: ‘Fitting in’ is as simple as mimicking the colours of your environment. We’re ready for the circus, too, because we can keep each eye on a different thing.

Chimpanzee

Chimpanzees (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

CHIMPANZEES: Social grooming means making friends. It also means all-you-can-eat sessions.

Clydesdale

Clydesdale (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

CLYDESDALE HORSES: Shaving your legs would be totally unnecessary.

ECLECTUS PARROTS: Men and women not only think differently, they look different, too.

Eclectus Parrots

Eclectus Parrots (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

ELEPHANT SEALS: You’d think the beach would be big enough for the ten of us guys, but no! This turns mating into the ultimate pissing contest.

Elephant

Elephant (Photo credit: Flickr)

ELEPHANTS: Travelling is easy because we always come with our trunks prepared. And remembering what we brought? We have our great memories to thank for that.

Gorillas

Gorillas (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

GIRAFFES: You’d grow up real fast if you were dropped six feet to the ground when you were born.

GORILLAS: We pioneered the eco-friendly hammock and portapotty.

Hummingbird

Hummingbird (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

HUMMINGBIRDS: Now you tell me that a constant diet of nectar and sugar water can lead to diabetes? How else can I beat my tiny wings 12-80 times per second and fly backwards?

MEERKATS: We are the original flash mobs. Nobody gets together faster than us for all-you-can-eat bugs on a Friday night after a hard day’s work!

Mongoose

Mongoose (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

MONGOOSES: We are thrillseekers with a serious death wish. It’s a rite of passage to play tag at least once a day with the cobra.

PANDAS: The truth is and all black and white to us.

Penguins

Penguins (Photo credit: Flickr)

PENGUINS: No one can design and pose in tuxedos quite as well as us.

POSSUMS: We have mastered the art of playing dead.

Rabbit small

Rabbit (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

RABBITS: We invented speed dating and the need for birth control.

RACCOONS: We know the importance of washing our food.

Three-toed-sloth

Three-toed-sloth (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

SLOTHS: Don’t talk to us about procrastination. It’s all about the journey, not the destination.

Eastern Indigo Snake

Eastern Indigo Snake (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

SNAKES: Being a quadruple amputee doesn’t stop us from being highly mobile.

TURTLES: We’re born with an hardshell RV home for one. Tip us over and the trip will be over.

WEASELS/ERMINES/STOATS: We have the hottest fur coats for the season. New styles debuting every spring and fall.

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2 thoughts on “If Animals Could Speak Human

Your comments are like chocolate for my soul ... I can never get enough of them! Bonus brownie points for witty comments! I love a good turn of phrase. :)

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