Questions that Keep Me Up at Night


now where?

Like atoms bouncing off each other, here are more non sequiturs that keep me up at night. Mental caffeine. Soul chocolate. Cerebrodisiac. File under D for Deal With It Now, L for Later, W for Well if You Insist, and P for Please Turn off the Stream of Consciousness, I Really Need My Sleep.

Why aren’t there rural legends? Why won’t men ever ask for directions? Why has Photoshop perpetuated the myth that all women can have the perfect figure and face? Has anyone ever (honestly) guessed the correct number of jellybeans in a jar? Can we actually have cars powered by vegetable waste matter? What colour could the skies be if they weren’t naturally blue? (I’ve always been partial to purple).

Why not make rectangular watermelons the norm? Can we not have a cute supervillain who has big eyes, big head and a small body? Why do men squeeze toothpaste from the middle of the tube? Do we really need a new version of the iPhone and/or iPad every sixteen months? Why does whipped cream, which is 99.9999% air, cost so bloody much?

And really, what is the point of light whipped cream? (Is the urge to self-delude that strong?) Why does technology go on the fritz when you need it the most? Newspapers? What are newspapers? When you need to replace a blown fuse, why do you have to turn on every other switch first to get to the right one? How can people use a shopping cart in a huge warehouse like Costco, pushing it back and forth up and down 30 aisles for at least a few miles, but then cannot be bothered to return it to the cart return facility that’s directly behind their vehicle? Why can’t bicycle seats be softer?

What is the point of flavouring shampoo or toothpaste? If you are a vegetarian and you go to McDonalds to order a meatless patty, wouldn’t you be better off shopping at the local bakery instead? How can (human) pet food makers claim that pet food is “improved” and “tastes better?” Did they taste it? Did they poll a representative sample of the dog and cat populations first? *Is* Wikipedia the definitive source for all information as we know it?


Your comments are like chocolate for my soul ... I can never get enough of them! Bonus brownie points for witty comments! I love a good turn of phrase. :)

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